Weblog
Monday, 19 October 2009
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morning
"Sorry I woke up in such a bad mood.. sorry I slammed my car door. I said I loved you, I meant it, I hope you know that."
I went to sleep at 8:00pm last night. It was weird but honestly didn't want to be awake any more. I was tired. mentally and emotionally. I didn't wake up till 9:00 this morning only because my mom opened my door and asked me to hang up the laundry. after she left I slept another hour. I decided to attempt to clean my laundry from weeks ago. It looked a lot more menacing when I stared at it and decided to take a picture. Then I got them all laid out on the floor and I thought "There weren't that many clothes... weird." I just realized I haven't said one word since I've been awake. That's 2 1/2 hours..
I started getting into my closet for some reason. I found a bunch of stuff that was going to decorate my house in the future. a few candle holders, some posters, random plant stuff.. I thought I had it all figured out back then didn't I. Acting all old n' stuff thinking I knew exactly how I wanted to decorate. oi.. I had to stop cleaning cause I couldn't look at that stuff any more. Anyone need a brand new knife set?? I got one. It has a wooden block too.
I think I'm ready for the day now. I vented haha. Thanks wireless internet. you're great.
Monday, 21 September 2009
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you.
you made me cry without even knowing me. you said i was pretty. you said i was funny. you liked my shirt. you wanted what was best for me. you protected me. you held my shoulder on central. you covered my eyes in that movie. you laughed with me till we cried. you watched me sleep. you slept with me when i was scared of that movie. you let me sleep in your room but only if i was on the floor. you kissed me on the cheek. you stole my hat. i stole your hat. you got a letter from me in middle school. i got a note from you in high school. you left a note on my car. you wrote on my car. you stayed up with me all night. you snuck into the pool with me. you stayed in the park with me. you left me. i left you. you made me smile. you made me promise. i made you laugh. i made you cry. you came to my house when i asked. you played fiddle with me. you walked la with me. you walked on the beach with me for the first time. you rode in my car for the first time. you saw my car with me for the first time. you heard me sing for the first time. you met me for the first time. you invited me over. you asked me to spend the night. i stayed up late with you. i want to be there for you. i am here for you. you forgot me. you learned to dance with me. i taught me to play. you played piano with me. you listened and agreed. you talked to me before anyone else. you called me adorable. you forgot my name. i miss you. you are my everything. you make me smile. you make me laugh. you make me act like im crazy but you dont mind it. i cried on your shoulder and i dont think you noticed. i miss you more then anything. i want to meet you tomorrow night. im not aloud. you mean everything to me. i would do anything for you. ill make him smile for you. ill sit with you. ill listen to you breath if it makes you feel better. ill be back.
Tuesday, 08 September 2009
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I wondered if i could come home.
I'm writting to try to update my mind again. haha this time is a little better than last.
I'm on a fast from my phone and face book. (that sounds so lame:) But its good so far.
I haven't lost all my social life, thanks to Ben and Alex, they keep me in contact. haha. I'm about to go to class. Yoga class in fact! I hope it'll be okay on my neck. My muscles are super sore still from a fantastic night at cliffs with really good friends and people I love to death! I rocked it with Abby and danced with Carlee. I even got to see what it would be like being an 8 foot man and Ben's shoulders haha, it was scary yet so exciting.
I had worship this morning with my saving Father. He brought "You Are God Alone" to me. I'm realzing that God is still the same as he was years ago when I thought I had everything in control and ship-shape. I smiled at that oh so subtle fact. My God is saving me, and He is the same. I've changed a ton, but I've learned from it all. God's love for me is still the same, and he still looks at me as his child. I freakin love that about my Father. I freakin love my FATHER!!! haha, I just wanna shout. I dunno, maybe I'm too cheesy. But hey you gotta be a little cheesy. just a little.
Well I'm off to class now. I gotta go keep Linz company. well I don't gotta, but i would like to ;)
Thursday, 30 July 2009
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the mask falls down
I wanted to write today and I don't know why.
Maybe just to update my mind on what its thinking. Things are kind of a blur right now.
I mean yesterday I didn't even remember what I did the night before, that was apparently so amazing and well, mind boggling. I felt a little weird to not be able to remember. After he told me though I was fine.
I went to lunch the other day with a girl with my name. It was fun. We got organic food and drove 45 minutes away from my home, my comfort spot. When I was in the crowd I felt kind of unneeded, almost like I shouldn't be there. But why wouldn't I be there if thats what I feel I'm called to. I felt lost.. I wanted to help out but I didn't know how far I could..The other night I thought about running my car into a wall. I didn't know why I thought about it, but everything seemed so real in my mind. I'm glad it didn't happen though. How does one listen to a song about how wonderful life is and cry at the same time. Music is supposed to change our moods not make them worse..I don't know what I miss. But I miss it a lot... and its not coming back. I've been finding it hard to eat again. I'm just lazy. Yesterday my diet consisted of a salad for breakfast a shake for lunch and gummy bears for dinner. My body is not happy with itself, but I don't mind my body being angry with me. At least I can get back at it by eating more unhealthy foods. So I just got off the phone for setting up a show on the 21st, and my band name is now Acoustic set w/ Amber. How great is that? When I woke up this morning all I could think about was what I've done.. It was well, forgettable. Last night I felt like a real girl, I wore a skirt.. It was surprisingly comfortable and I think I shall try it out again. Can you fix this? I've lost all the pieces of my mind on how to communicate like a normal human being... I don't want to.
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
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Time
There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to rebuild.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak up.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
What do people really get for all their hard work? I have thought about this connection with that various kinds of work God has given people to do. God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. So I concluded that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to enjoy themselves as long as they can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God. And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God's purpose in this is that people should fear him. Whatever exists today and whatever will exist in the future has already existed in the past. For God calls each event back in its turn.
My heart is open to healing. May each stitch, however long each pull may be, be something learned and kept. Every turn around of the thread be a turn around in my heart. My my flesh be sewn back together but may the scars remain and remind of whats been done.
Currently
The Book of Ecclesiastes (New International Commentary on the Old Testament)
By Tremper Longman
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- Name: Chuck Humberfield
- Country: Canada
- Birthday: 1/8/1991
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 6/22/2005
About Me
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God, Music, and my friends are my life! "Some of you may wish you never met me." Philippians 3:13 "No dear brothers and sisters, I'm still not all I should be, but I'm focussing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead."
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I'm so stinkin happy that I'm following God right now! and I hope I continue even more tomorrow, and that I can surrender my life!
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